Oh F**k, I just said a bad word!

Generally, I try not to post something I'd be embarrassed that a member of my conservative, evangelical church might see. I don't want to be thought of as a heathen or a heretic. I'm neither.

But sometimes, I just have to say what I truly think and feel. So brace yourself. Here it is.

WTF does it take to get an agent? (No, I'm not an idiot. I know what WTF means. It's the point of this post.) Yes, I have written about this before and I am again because I have yet to find a satisfactory answer. I have listened to people's advice, I have attended writers conferences, read countless blogs, magazine articles and books, networked and talked to magazine editors, and discussed the matter with friends, both published and unpublished.

And I have prayed -- and not as an afterthought.

I have done virtually everything I can think of. I have followed advice, re-written query letters numerous times, followed the instructions of individual agents to the letter and still -- nothing! I'm polite and businesslike, and would not send out a query on a work that isn't ready. Or certainly as ready as I can make it.

I write well. I'm not a hack. And I have a couple of manuscripts that are ready to go to the next level. But, I swear, for the life of me, I can't get an agent to piss on my butt if it was on fire. What am I doing wrong?

I'm a good person, I really am (although I know that's exactly what a bad person would also say). I'm happy when one of my writer-friends gets a new agent or, even better, a publishing contract. I know the hard work it took to get there. I am willing to do the hard work. I have been doing the hard work.

But it's frustrating because I must be doing something wrong, although I don't know what it is and don't have someone in the industry to tell me what that is.

Perhaps my writing or storytelling is crap. I don't think so but what the fuck does it take for some useful insight. Because right now I truly don't know.

But what I do know is that I'm not giving up, despite the frustration and occasional anger and cursing. I know that at the end of this century a couple of my novels will be on the list of the Best 100 books of the 21st Century. I just would like a sign of that eventuality in my lifetime.

Thanks for reading and don't give up.    

Finding an agent? WTF does it take?

As much as I can, I try to stay positive in my blog postings but at the same time try to state how I feel at any given moment. And I try not to curse too much. (The sermon at church yesterday was on James 3: 1-12, which deals with the evil of one's tongue -- how the same tongue can sing the praises of God and also curse man, who is made in the image of God.)

That having been said, WTF does it take to find an agent? I have worked on my query letter. I have done the research. I am professional and business-like. I don't curse (at least not in a query letter). WTF does it take?

I got two rejections already this morning. Now I know what you are about to say. "Rejections are part of the process." "Everyone gets rejected." "Agents reject 98 percent of all the queries they get."

Shut the f*** up. I know all that. I'm not as big an idiot as I look.

I expect rejections. Really. I do. But I also hope and pray for a little light at the end of the tunnel and I don't seem to be seeing any. One rejection in a day I can handle. Two starts to get a little dicey. Three in a day will send me to bed. And four in a day? Hasn't happened but I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't end up in a psych ward.

I did get three in a day last week and it wasn't pretty. So with two already today, I'm a little on edge.

I always send off a thank you note to an agent after a rejection. Sounds stupid, I know, but I want to do my part to encourage agents to answer writers even if it is to say no. After I thanked the agent this morning, I got a note back saying she rejected me because they handle children and youth adult books.

Now I was totally confused. Because I read every word of her agency's website and under her bio it stated that she "is especially looking for horror, ghost, mystery, thriller and dystopian tales."

I have no idea what it's gonna take. I truly don't. What am I to do? What am I to think?

Well, I have more letters to get out today and so that's what I'll do.

And now you have it. Thanks for reading. (Glad someone reads my stuff.) And keep writing.

P.S. No. 3 came this afternoon, a bit late, I'd say. So I assume someone was late getting to the office this morning and didn't have time to send me a rejection until mid-afternoon. Three rejections in a day is my personal best -- it happened last Wednesday, too -- but I have so many queries out there it wouldn't be hard to top it.
mbd

P.S.S. I got No. 4 at four minutes to midnight, thus setting a new personal best. Amazingly, I don't feel bad about it. I got a lot of support from friends and writing colleagues during the day. Now we will have to see what Tuesday brings.
mbd