Cancer II

This is only the fourth time in the last 15 months I have written about cancer. But this blog is suppose to be about my journey as a writer and the things that affect me as a writer. (Which, by the way, brings up the point whether it should be affect or effect. I always have a hard time remembering which is which. So if I just got it wrong, well, at this moment I don't give a flying .... .)

I have some work to do on my current WIP but this evening I'm having a hard time with it. Writing fiction is like dreaming, and then writing it down. And tonight I'm having a hard time dreaming.

The reason is that I went to a prostate cancer support group meeting today, something I rarely do and I am now reminded why. It depresses me. Yes, I feel fine. Actually, I always have. The times when I haven't felt good have always been because of the treatment of the disease, not from the disease itself. I have never noticed a symptom of prostate cancer.

I went through eight-and-a-half weeks of external radiation treatment last winter. It was my "winter project," if you recall. But today I was reminded yet again that I don't know yet whether I am cured. I was told it could take 18 months to two years before we'd know for sure. I normally put such thoughts out of my mind because at the moment there isn't anything I can do about it, cured or not. But it is still like the Sword of Damocles over my head.

So tonight I can't write. Or at least it's a struggle.

I did everything I was suppose to do, everything my doctor and my pastor asked me to do. Now I just have to wait.

I hate this. I want the dreams to come easily like before. This really sucks.

But thanks for reading. And now I will try to take my oft-repeated advice and keep writing.