Oh F**k, I just said a bad word!

Generally, I try not to post something I'd be embarrassed that a member of my conservative, evangelical church might see. I don't want to be thought of as a heathen or a heretic. I'm neither.

But sometimes, I just have to say what I truly think and feel. So brace yourself. Here it is.

WTF does it take to get an agent? (No, I'm not an idiot. I know what WTF means. It's the point of this post.) Yes, I have written about this before and I am again because I have yet to find a satisfactory answer. I have listened to people's advice, I have attended writers conferences, read countless blogs, magazine articles and books, networked and talked to magazine editors, and discussed the matter with friends, both published and unpublished.

And I have prayed -- and not as an afterthought.

I have done virtually everything I can think of. I have followed advice, re-written query letters numerous times, followed the instructions of individual agents to the letter and still -- nothing! I'm polite and businesslike, and would not send out a query on a work that isn't ready. Or certainly as ready as I can make it.

I write well. I'm not a hack. And I have a couple of manuscripts that are ready to go to the next level. But, I swear, for the life of me, I can't get an agent to piss on my butt if it was on fire. What am I doing wrong?

I'm a good person, I really am (although I know that's exactly what a bad person would also say). I'm happy when one of my writer-friends gets a new agent or, even better, a publishing contract. I know the hard work it took to get there. I am willing to do the hard work. I have been doing the hard work.

But it's frustrating because I must be doing something wrong, although I don't know what it is and don't have someone in the industry to tell me what that is.

Perhaps my writing or storytelling is crap. I don't think so but what the fuck does it take for some useful insight. Because right now I truly don't know.

But what I do know is that I'm not giving up, despite the frustration and occasional anger and cursing. I know that at the end of this century a couple of my novels will be on the list of the Best 100 books of the 21st Century. I just would like a sign of that eventuality in my lifetime.

Thanks for reading and don't give up.