Cancer

I haven't brought up the subject of cancer in more than a year, since Feb. 21, 2012, by my reckoning. And I wouldn't today except that it was heavily on my mind yesterday, which is why I didn't post yesterday.

As many of you know, I am a prostate cancer survivor. I had external radiation in the winter of 2012. Since then, I have visited my urologist every six months for a check up on my PSA levels. If i had chosen to have my prostate removed, my PSA level would have dropped to zero and that would be it. But because I merely 'cooked' it, my PSA levels have been dropping but aren't at zero.

And therein lies the rub. While I am told things are doing fine and I shouldn't worry but should come back in six months as scheduled, it doesn't feel like I've put cancer totally behind me. I feel like it's the sword of Damocles hanging over my head. But there isn't anything I can do about it.

The doctor yesterday told me it is normal to have a check on my PSA level every six months for FIVE years after treatment. And for at least annually for the rest of my life.

As for me, I just wish it were totally over. It doesn't generally affect my writing but I know it can. I just want it done.

Oh well, thanks for reading as I rant. Good luck with your writing.

Editor's note: I don't feel like re-reading this now and correcting things so if there are mistakes or you can't understand something I just said, I'm sorry. Maybe I will do it another day. mbd